Hitting The Commitment Wall
Joe and Shari had been together for 3 years. Joe was in the army and Shari was still at home, living with her parents. Being apart while Joe was off playing war games, was driving a wedge in their relationship.
Joe decided that it was time for them to get married. He figured that if they were married, they could both live together off-base and therefore be able to spend more time together so that they could take the natural course that their relationship deserved.
All of a sudden, Shari started to get cold feet. Apparently, this was a bigger step than she was currently prepared to take. She realized that she would be leaving the comfort and protection that she was currently receiving by living with her parents. She also realized that it was time to seriously asses her love for Joe.
All too often, couples reach the commitment wall before they are ready for the challenge. They might think that they are ready to spend the rest of their life with their significant other only to realize that they hadn’t given it as much thought as they should have.
Unlike the story above, it is most often the man who hits that commitment wall. Typically, a man will see a commitment as a restriction rather than the opening of a new door. A man may be perfectly happy with the current arrangements and not want to risk the change.
Everyone has to decide to commit in their own time and their own way, this is not something that you can push someone towards, or you may actually be working against yourself and your cause! Commitment is something that should come naturally.
If you find that your relationship has hit that commitment wall then it is probably time to make an honest assessment of your situation. Do you both have the same future in mind? Where do you see this relationship in 5, 10 or 15 years?
If you both truly see your relationship lasting for many years to come then it is probably worth your while to work through the fear of commitment.
You may even need to counseling to get through this. Another way to approach the fear of commitment is to give it a rest. Sometimes a rest can be the best test.
In the end, if your relationship is a strong one, even hitting the commitment wall will not be enough to though you off the tracks. If you are meant to be together then you will just have to wait until the time is right for both of you.
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